What Matters Most NOW

You ever gone through life wishing there was more? Or perhaps even wonder where the years had gone to? Of course you did. We all did. That's simply how life is. There is no secret to living life to the fullest BUT there is a way to go about doing it. First and foremost is to stop worrying. Secondly, keep an open mind. Thirdly, learn to appreciate the little things. Lastly, love more. Simple rules but hard to follow. Let's face it, everyone stumbles once in a while. Even in the best of times something always goes awry. So let's digress for a little on what I call the 4 Pillars of Living A Happy Life I had just mentioned above is all about. Here's a video to set up your mood towards what I have to say.

Some people have made an art on worrying. Why do we worry so much? One word: CONTROL. We need to feel that we are in control of events which comprise our lives. By being in control we essentially develop a sense of security which basically tells us that we can deal with any situation and weather away any storm. The premise of being in control, however, has, in itself, some flaws. First of these is the fact that we are limited in many things. If we go beyond a certain comfort zone we have set up for ourselves and venture towards unfamiliar grounds, we essentially feel unsafe and vulnerable. That is a natural response towards the unknown. The second flow is that we are limited in our growth whether it be personal, emotional, or spiritual. The third and most obvious flaw is how we are limited in learning. So why do we always feel that we need to be in control at all times?  Well, control enables us to set a certain rhythm in our lives. By having a certain set of rules we have built for ourselves we can set standards on how we go about tackling life's trivialities.

So how do we go about learning how to let go of some of that control? With an open mind. Having an open mind affords a wider range of choices or options by which you can consider or reconsider when decision making time comes around. Having an open mind frees us from stereotype of any kind and breaks whatever barriers we have erected for ourselves. The most important benefit, at least in my opinion, of having an open mind is the sense of calmness you feel when you know you are open to anything. It is the sense of freedom of having no limitation as your only limitation. You do not embrace life's difficulties but tackle them as they come, and in your time.

Learning to appreciate the little moments which puts a smile on your face enables you to get a deeper sense of gratitude. You learn to laugh more and you get along with other people better. Your relationships become richer and your general outlook becomes more vivid and happier. When you are happy and content love flows naturally. That's the 4 Rules. Live by them, abide by them and next thing you know you have a legacy worth leaving behind. Take care guys.

Stay

stay, even if only to give me time..
help me remember all that is good in me
hold my hand and let me feel your care.
don't let me stray too far from you.

stay, even if you really don't want to
give me time to look at you again
let me drown in your memory
where I can be with you for all eternity

stay, even if to set me free
let me speak of your name,
carrying it to the heavens
along with me last breath

stay, even if only to hold you long enough,
to wander in your arms
and fall uncaringly to ecstasy
like a baby lost in sleep

stay, if only for a moment
a moment and not much more
all I ask is that you remember
that I have loved you...

Drifting Away

Alone in a vast ocean of nothing,
thoughts haunting me,tugging relentlessly.
Memories of something vague yet certain,
a feeling I have trouble reconciling.

Set against an azure sky,
drifting like clouds to eternity.
I dreamt a dream of vivid life.
only to awaken to painful uncertainty.

How have I gone this far?
Every fork ahead a question.
How has the truth eluded me?
A blind man in an uncaring world.

Drifting away to memory,
then slowly ebbing to nothing.
Something must mean something.
Anything can mean anything.

Drifting away with this feeling,
drifting away from this feeling.
If only I remember what it was,
if only I remember....

Under the Stars We Lie

The Moon drifts on an uncaring sky,
Hiding a secret it will never share.

A night crawls deeply into deeper dreams,
searching for a truth to a question yet unknown.

We seek, we thrive, we live,we die
Is there more to see and feel we ask.

Under the stars we lie wandering,
wondering what our dreams unfold.

Under the stars we lie waiting,
for a life to begin again.

All That Matters

     I once had the privilege of knowing a dear friend 20 or so years ago who had a big influence in my life. I knew Frank when I was 16 and he was one of the cornerstones in my early years. An old retiree working another job, he was our manager at the old place I used to work on weekends just to make a few extra bucks. A rather quiet and unassuming guy he was but so full of vibrant energy on teaching a young teenager like me how to make it in the real world. He taught me core values which I still carry with me up to this day. He was also such a cool guy. I thought all he ever drove to work was his old beat up nissan pick up, but he actually owned a couple of way more cool cars. One Saturday morning he drove up to work with a light grey Datsun 240Z and I thought that was one of the coolest cars I ever had the privilege of riding shotgun in. I remember the deep bucket seats and falling into them as he rowed that shifter like there was no tomorrow and the sound of that inline six breathing deep through side drafts was heaven. I worked hard that summer just so I can finally get me a ride and not be a geek anymore constantly tagging along friends just to get a free ride home. He taught me to value money and he also taught me what it meant to build a good, solid character thru hard work.

     I thought that 240Z was the coolest car and up to that point it was the car I wanted to have; a small, sleek, and zoomy sports car from the 70's. Boy was I stunned when Frank dropped the bomb on me on yet another Saturday morning at work with his mint aquamarine blue 1965 Mustang Convertible, complete with hubcaps. He actually took me for a ride in the local fast food drive-thru while explaining to me the intricacies and complexities of restoring a car that old to it's former glory. Of course this was in the 80's and the aftermarket  wasn't as vast as it is today, so we essentially spent many hot afternoons combing junkyards and   salvage yards. He taught me a valuable lesson in that I shouldn't confine myself to just one set of standards, that I should broaden my horizon more and keep an open mind. Most importantly, he taught me how to be patient by his ever famous, " Jowel, there are somethings in life you have no power in changing, but on those things that you do have power over, you can change them and make them better".

     And so begins my journey. On that summer of  '87 I also saw the car I really want after all. A 1970 Porsche 911T beautifully restored with a not-so-factory respray ( it was painted Supra Blood Red  from the original factory Signal Orange). I didn't care that I could see bits of orange peeping through on some areas, only that it was a Porsche and I had to have it with the unheard of asking price of  $5,000 ( the market hasn't reached stratospheric prices yet during those times), and boy,that blood red paint made it sinister looking. Well, I didn't get to buy the Porsche but I'll never forget the gentleman who was selling it to me for his kindness in taking me for a ride and sharing with me the salient point of owning that german marque. I'll forever remember that little 911 for what it represented to me- opportunity,potential,and possibilities.

     25 years later, not much has changed really. I still think of that 911 and just like every car nut I want one still. And I still miss Frank. He passed away on the winter of '87 from a rare form of skin cancer. The values he instilled on me, however, lives  on to this  day. I remembered him saying during his last few weeks of life," All that matters is you find that you find your little place in this world, settle down, be content with what you have and not what you don't have. Don't spend all day daydreaming about things you want in life. Go out there and get it! Make it happen!", Yes, I remember. And yes, the sound of that air cooled flat six wailing away towards redline is still vivid in memory and yearning.

After the Storms then what?

     Standing under a store canopy in some unnamed street on some unrecalled time,heeding nothing but my quiet plea for the rain to stop. Deafening and unheeding, the splatter of a million raindrops drown all that I cared to wish for at that particular moment. Feeling wet and in need of a warm cup of anything really, I ventured on, hoping against all hope that in the next few blocks or so the rain will ebb down. And die down it did. The wind did nothing else but continually dampen a already soaked spirit with its frigid bite. And yet I continue on this time with a little sprite in my gait knowing that somewhere, a warm cup of coffee or a hot bowl of soup awaits. 

     Out here in the tropics monsoon rains with occasional storms are pretty much the norm, especially in this time of the year. Flash floods and landslides are hitting the news as much as anything else they care to post in and it gets worse and worse when typhoons hit. I often wonder even in the face of such calamities, why every year it gets worse and worse. Of course I know the answer to that, being fully aware of how the Earth's climates have changed drastically since the last Ice Age, and that we are fully to blame for our dependence on fossil fuels not even taking into consideration the long term effect of sustained release into the atmosphere. But setting all that aside, let's ponder if you will for a minute, what possibilities lay if continue on this savage cycle we are in. Can we assume that the colorful nature scene you may be using as your wallpaper in that computer you are reading this in may be just that- a scenic memento of our past? 

     What surprises me is that most people, if not all, that I talked to regarding this matter really are concerned about global warming and are open to suggestion on what changes need to be made and how to implement them on a day to day basis. What surprises me even further is that they would make their comment in passing and then jump into their big block v8 truck. What I am driving at here is that most people feel helpless and feeble when it comes to making a noticeable difference in the grander scheme of things. So they lie in wait of a bigger player to do a more drastic form of measurable difference and hope all works out for the better. In my opinion there are two biggest mistakes we tend to commit in our life one of which is we FAIL TO RECOGNIZE ( and nurture) OUR POTENTIAL; the other biggest mistake in my book is we simply STOP CARING. We need to change all that in order for us to feel important enough to make a difference. We CAN make a difference.

     Continuing on that barren stretch of street making short but sure progress to some unknown comfort, I saw my reflection on a small puddle of water. Tired and weary I stop to stare at the man staring back at me. Somehow he looks familiar but at the same time a stranger to me in these strange times. One thing I knew was sure as the wind tugged me out of my brief daze once again, the storm awaits and I am still a long long way to where I need to be, now and in my life.

Restless

I wrote this rather interesting piece sitting on a bench, watching the seals bask in the sun, at the Coves in La Jolla. If you've ever been there you know what I mean when I say it is indeed a magical place. Magical in that not only does it portray a perfect Southern California setting, but also in that nature does abound. If you write often like I do, you can really let your creative juices shift to overdrive since the place is conducive to writing just about anything. This piece is interesting to me in that I wrote it as a symbol of the discord which exists between Man and Nature. It is about how we became insensitive to the natural world's needs and how we exploit our natural resources to the point of depletion. I used to be a biology major before I went to Med school and if you are a product of the UC system, you are heavily influenced by research. I just got off from an afternoon of reading at the Salk Institute of Oceanography and drove down to La Jolla Coves to write.

The eternal blanket of azure in front of me beckons and I engage it with a lie. The ocean greets the shoreline in a cadence so protean and ethereal it seems almost lucid, like being trapped in somebody else's surreal dream. Time meant nothing for the gesture was and still is a sole reminder of eternity. The waters would greet the jagged rocks only to seep through and reach the sands in foaming whispers. It was as if they were disclosing secrets but in their hurried state to return to the sea, the words despairingly lose meaning. I sit humbly before this procession for hours on end. In the sea I am humbled. In the sea I find my soul, the core of who I really am, who I really was meant to be. Yet as I peer to the horizon I can't help but feel sad for the lost humanity in all of us. The sadness looms over me like an unbreakable silence. In the waves I hear a distant longing, older, perhaps, than any primal human emotion; the need to belong and respond harmoniously to the universe around us. I search for the meaning in their message but lose myself in the translation.

Why are we really here? What sort of means and, more importantly, to what ends do we serve? It is not everyday that I find myself unhinged from the ideals and virtues I hold to heart dearly. Swimming in an ocean of desperate questions I find, oddly and true enough, nothing but dissonant answers.