stay, even if only to give me time..
help me remember all that is good in me
hold my hand and let me feel your care.
don't let me stray too far from you.
stay, even if you really don't want to
give me time to look at you again
let me drown in your memory
where I can be with you for all eternity
stay, even if to set me free
let me speak of your name,
carrying it to the heavens
along with me last breath
stay, even if only to hold you long enough,
to wander in your arms
and fall uncaringly to ecstasy
like a baby lost in sleep
stay, if only for a moment
a moment and not much more
all I ask is that you remember
that I have loved you...
Monday, September 24, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Drifting Away
Alone in a vast ocean of nothing,
thoughts haunting me,tugging relentlessly.
Memories of something vague yet certain,
a feeling I have trouble reconciling.
Set against an azure sky,
drifting like clouds to eternity.
I dreamt a dream of vivid life.
only to awaken to painful uncertainty.
How have I gone this far?
Every fork ahead a question.
How has the truth eluded me?
A blind man in an uncaring world.
Drifting away to memory,
then slowly ebbing to nothing.
Something must mean something.
Anything can mean anything.
Drifting away with this feeling,
drifting away from this feeling.
If only I remember what it was,
if only I remember....
thoughts haunting me,tugging relentlessly.
Memories of something vague yet certain,
a feeling I have trouble reconciling.
Set against an azure sky,
drifting like clouds to eternity.
I dreamt a dream of vivid life.
only to awaken to painful uncertainty.
How have I gone this far?
Every fork ahead a question.
How has the truth eluded me?
A blind man in an uncaring world.
Drifting away to memory,
then slowly ebbing to nothing.
Something must mean something.
Anything can mean anything.
Drifting away with this feeling,
drifting away from this feeling.
If only I remember what it was,
if only I remember....
Monday, September 10, 2012
Under the Stars We Lie
The Moon drifts on an uncaring sky,
Hiding a secret it will never share.
A night crawls deeply into deeper dreams,
searching for a truth to a question yet unknown.
We seek, we thrive, we live,we die
Is there more to see and feel we ask.
Under the stars we lie wandering,
wondering what our dreams unfold.
Under the stars we lie waiting,
for a life to begin again.
Hiding a secret it will never share.
A night crawls deeply into deeper dreams,
searching for a truth to a question yet unknown.
We seek, we thrive, we live,we die
Is there more to see and feel we ask.
Under the stars we lie wandering,
wondering what our dreams unfold.
Under the stars we lie waiting,
for a life to begin again.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
All That Matters
I once had the privilege of knowing a dear friend 20 or so years ago who had a big influence in my life. I knew Frank when I was 16 and he was one of the cornerstones in my early years. An old retiree working another job, he was our manager at the old place I used to work on weekends just to make a few extra bucks. A rather quiet and unassuming guy he was but so full of vibrant energy on teaching a young teenager like me how to make it in the real world. He taught me core values which I still carry with me up to this day. He was also such a cool guy. I thought all he ever drove to work was his old beat up nissan pick up, but he actually owned a couple of way more cool cars. One Saturday morning he drove up to work with a light grey Datsun 240Z and I thought that was one of the coolest cars I ever had the privilege of riding shotgun in. I remember the deep bucket seats and falling into them as he rowed that shifter like there was no tomorrow and the sound of that inline six breathing deep through side drafts was heaven. I worked hard that summer just so I can finally get me a ride and not be a geek anymore constantly tagging along friends just to get a free ride home. He taught me to value money and he also taught me what it meant to build a good, solid character thru hard work.
I thought that 240Z was the coolest car and up to that point it was the car I wanted to have; a small, sleek, and zoomy sports car from the 70's. Boy was I stunned when Frank dropped the bomb on me on yet another Saturday morning at work with his mint aquamarine blue 1965 Mustang Convertible, complete with hubcaps. He actually took me for a ride in the local fast food drive-thru while explaining to me the intricacies and complexities of restoring a car that old to it's former glory. Of course this was in the 80's and the aftermarket wasn't as vast as it is today, so we essentially spent many hot afternoons combing junkyards and salvage yards. He taught me a valuable lesson in that I shouldn't confine myself to just one set of standards, that I should broaden my horizon more and keep an open mind. Most importantly, he taught me how to be patient by his ever famous, " Jowel, there are somethings in life you have no power in changing, but on those things that you do have power over, you can change them and make them better".
And so begins my journey. On that summer of '87 I also saw the car I really want after all. A 1970 Porsche 911T beautifully restored with a not-so-factory respray ( it was painted Supra Blood Red from the original factory Signal Orange). I didn't care that I could see bits of orange peeping through on some areas, only that it was a Porsche and I had to have it with the unheard of asking price of $5,000 ( the market hasn't reached stratospheric prices yet during those times), and boy,that blood red paint made it sinister looking. Well, I didn't get to buy the Porsche but I'll never forget the gentleman who was selling it to me for his kindness in taking me for a ride and sharing with me the salient point of owning that german marque. I'll forever remember that little 911 for what it represented to me- opportunity,potential,and possibilities.
25 years later, not much has changed really. I still think of that 911 and just like every car nut I want one still. And I still miss Frank. He passed away on the winter of '87 from a rare form of skin cancer. The values he instilled on me, however, lives on to this day. I remembered him saying during his last few weeks of life," All that matters is you find that you find your little place in this world, settle down, be content with what you have and not what you don't have. Don't spend all day daydreaming about things you want in life. Go out there and get it! Make it happen!", Yes, I remember. And yes, the sound of that air cooled flat six wailing away towards redline is still vivid in memory and yearning.
I thought that 240Z was the coolest car and up to that point it was the car I wanted to have; a small, sleek, and zoomy sports car from the 70's. Boy was I stunned when Frank dropped the bomb on me on yet another Saturday morning at work with his mint aquamarine blue 1965 Mustang Convertible, complete with hubcaps. He actually took me for a ride in the local fast food drive-thru while explaining to me the intricacies and complexities of restoring a car that old to it's former glory. Of course this was in the 80's and the aftermarket wasn't as vast as it is today, so we essentially spent many hot afternoons combing junkyards and salvage yards. He taught me a valuable lesson in that I shouldn't confine myself to just one set of standards, that I should broaden my horizon more and keep an open mind. Most importantly, he taught me how to be patient by his ever famous, " Jowel, there are somethings in life you have no power in changing, but on those things that you do have power over, you can change them and make them better".
And so begins my journey. On that summer of '87 I also saw the car I really want after all. A 1970 Porsche 911T beautifully restored with a not-so-factory respray ( it was painted Supra Blood Red from the original factory Signal Orange). I didn't care that I could see bits of orange peeping through on some areas, only that it was a Porsche and I had to have it with the unheard of asking price of $5,000 ( the market hasn't reached stratospheric prices yet during those times), and boy,that blood red paint made it sinister looking. Well, I didn't get to buy the Porsche but I'll never forget the gentleman who was selling it to me for his kindness in taking me for a ride and sharing with me the salient point of owning that german marque. I'll forever remember that little 911 for what it represented to me- opportunity,potential,and possibilities.
25 years later, not much has changed really. I still think of that 911 and just like every car nut I want one still. And I still miss Frank. He passed away on the winter of '87 from a rare form of skin cancer. The values he instilled on me, however, lives on to this day. I remembered him saying during his last few weeks of life," All that matters is you find that you find your little place in this world, settle down, be content with what you have and not what you don't have. Don't spend all day daydreaming about things you want in life. Go out there and get it! Make it happen!", Yes, I remember. And yes, the sound of that air cooled flat six wailing away towards redline is still vivid in memory and yearning.
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